Talk Jashin To Me
by YungVodkaDikost
Summary: Hidan just wants his fellow Akatsuki members to know about his religion, is that really too much to ask? Threatening him with knitting needles and threatening to eat him is totally not necessary! Rated for Hidan's foul mouth. Please R&R if you enjoyed! *Complete*


**I honestly don't know how this even came to be lol. But yeah, enjoy I guess.**

 **S Lyubov'yu,**

 **Casper**

* * *

Hidan had hit a dead end with everyone back at the base, would nobody even try to understand his love for his God Jashin-Sama? He respected everybody else's stupid obsessions, not that being loyal to his God was a stupid obsession. But still. Nobody would even pay him mind for more than thirty seconds when he started talking about that part of himself. Shit, he listened to Itachi go on and on about how he loved to secretly knit fucking baby booties. That asshole was gay, when the hell was he ever going to have a damn kid to put said booties on?! Unless he stole a kid from a random village. The supposed insane Uchiha would never do such a thing, despite the rumors about him. In reality the man was about as fabulous as they came and was actually a pretty nice guy. Unless you stole his damn knitting needles. Then it was off to the pits of hell with you.

Then there was Kakazu. Shouldn't the man he was partnered with be at least a little bit curious. Of course not. Unless there was money involved, he could give a shit less. All he saw the silver haired ninja as was an immortal who had a knack for getting dismembered and having to be sewn back together. There was more to him than his rituals and immortality damn it! He supposed he could pay Kakazu to listen to him talk about his religion, but then again, the stingy bastard would probably charge him an arm and a leg, literally. Then he'd probably proceed to empty the silver haired ninjas wallet and probably not even listen to a damn thing he'd said. Plus if he had to pay the former Waterfall ninja to listen to him, what would be the point, if he cared he wouldn't want payment.

And don't even get him started on Kisame, good God the former Mist ninja would probably attempt to eat him again if he tried to share his religion with him. No really, he tried to eat him last time he even mentioned the name Jashin-Sama. Asshole fish he is. Yes indeed. He supposed he could probably bribe the shark nin with food to get him to listen, but then again, it would be the same result as with Kakazu. He'd be in it for the food, he didn't actually care. Nobody in the Akatsuki even realized that underneath his foul mouth and bloody rituals that he was actually a pretty decent guy to talk to. _'I have feelings too damn it!'_ he cried in his mind.

Oh God, and then there was that fucktard Tobi, there was absolutely no talking to that overgrown man child. Seriously, the moron was literally like a fucking toddler stuck in a grown ass mans body. Actually, now that he thought about it, Hidan didn't even know how old the idiotic mask wearing ninja was! But anyways, every time he tried to talk to the masked ninja about Jashin, the little shit would cut him off and ask him stupid questions. What's Jashin-Sama's favorite color? What about his favorite flower? What does he look like? Why do you moan like a prepubescent teenage girl discovering her clit for the first time every time you preform your rituals. Yes, he asked the last question. He may be an asshole, but he wasn't a liar. Lying was a sin against Jashin. Needless to say, Hidan was never going to try to talk to Tobi about his God. Ever again. No fucking way.

At one point he had tried to talk to Sasori about it. But of course, the asshole was a damn puppet and his exact words were," _I am not of the living. What use would any sort of religion for me?'_. Needless to say, Hidan got the message loud and clear. Especially when he had insisted that the puppet master at least hear him about, that had resulted in a few poisoned senbon making his eye their home. You ever had pointy objects stuck in your eye? It hurts. Now have you ever had a poisoned pointy object in your eye? Yeah, didn't think so. It hurts like a bitch. And then some. And there was no way in hell he was going to visit the Akatsuki's adorable little medic for help, she'd rip him apart for being dumb enough to bother the puppet master. Didn't matter if she loved him, he'd kind of brought that one onto himself.

Next stop on his list was Deidara. That pussy assed artist had at least had the common decency to tell him that he thought his rituals were artistic. Whatever the fuck that meant, but he hadn't immediately told Hidan where he could shove his religion. Nor did he try to poison him, eat him, ask awkward questions, or even occasionally stab him with a knitting needle. So he'd call that one a win. Even if Deidara didn't care much for any religion, or Hidan for that matter, the two had never really gotten along the greatest, at least he kind of listened. That could be considered a win. Right?

Now, when it came down to Konan and Pein, there was no way in hell he was even going to try to approach them with his beliefs. He knew outright that they didn't give a shit as long as his religion didn't get in the way of capturing and extracting the Bijuu. He'd tried once with Konan and she hadn't even responded so he wasn't going to try a second time. And again, there was no way in Jashin's green earth that he was going to try to talk to Pein about these types of things. He tried to stay out of the Rain nins way unless he had to make a report about a missions success or having to prepare himself for dismemberment when a misson was a fail. Other than that, he had no plans of talking to him about such things.

He wasn't even going to get started on Zetsu. The cannibalistic ninja was just as likely to eat him like Kisame. And there was no way in hell he was getting digested. That was one thing that the immortal didn't have on his bucket list. Fuck that, especially since he knew he probably wouldn't be exiting the plant ninjas body any time soon. So like Pein and Konan, he wasn't even going to try. Now, was there anybody else he was forgetting? Oh yeah, the medic...

Ahh, Sakura, probably the only one who would actually listen to what he had to say and was actually be interested. He wasn't exactly sure what had compelled the former Leaf Ninja to defect and join the Akatsuki, but he wasn't going to argue. He not only gained a lover out of it, but someone who actually shared his fascination with Jashinism and immortality. Even though she herself didn't practice the religion, she was interested in it and wanted to learn as much about it as she could. Especially if she was truly going to understand her immortal lover. She'd always patch him up after his rituals or help him get the blood out of his hair. And she'd always ask how it went, never judging him for what he had to do to retain his immortality. He honestly couldn't ask for a better woman in his life, not that he'd ever say that out loud to anybody but her. He had a reputation to uphold, after all.

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"Say, Hida-kun...", Sakura mumbled, her eye half lidded and lust filled as she looked at the silver haired nin next to her. He'd just finished one of his rituals and had yet to wash the blood of the heathens he'd sacrificed off of his body.

"Yeah, bitch?", he smirked. He knew that look on her face. She may not practice Jashinism, but the little minx got honry as fuck at the sight of him covered in blood. Something he would forever praise Jashin for.

"Talk Jashin to me.", she purred, beckoning him forward.

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 **Well alrighty then. Don't even know where this shit came from, honestly. But yeah. There's uh, that...if you enjoyed this uh, thing please let me know haha. Favorite, follow, and review so I know your thoughts!**


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